Why German Grandma's and Pessimistic Dads Can Suck It!

Brit boy and I met on a 2 week trip to South Africa. Before I left I told my roommate, "I'm going to fall in love in South Africa!" She down right burst out laughing in my face. I can't blame her though. I was on a bit of a make out safari way before getting my passport stamped. I was 27 and loving life in NYC. I was on way too many intramural sports making out in way too many bar basements rockin' a sweatband and playing flip cup. I was not exactly on a one-way road to grown-upville. But after ending it with a succession of younger men, I decided a change was gonna come and packed my bags for camping and hiking in the mountains. Day 1 I meet Brit boy and identified him as such by his floppy hair and equally floppy beer belly. Despite the rough edges, baby boy was 6'4" with blue eyes and reeking with potential. This could be a good two weeks, I thought. Well turns out he was 5 years younger than me and that put me way off for at least 6 hours. A week and a half of middle school flirting later, we're trying to get it on inside my tent, but below zero temperatures meant neither of us was keen on getting out of our sleeping bags resulting in a scene straight out of caterpillar porn. Despite initial difficulties, we decided to give our romance a go. I came home and told my dad I met a 22 year old English guy. He threw up his hands, and with them all hopes of having grandchildren, "You're never getting married!" he yelled.

Greg's family took it a little better, that is everyone but his German Grandma who decided that at 27 I must be hiding secret bastard children or a sordid past. Either way, I had to be a tarnished woman, otherwise, why wouldn't I be married at the ripe old age of 27. Brit boy tried to convince her my uterus wasn't pruning over and that I actually had some redeemable qualities, but that didn't keep her from asking him if he met any nice girls each time she subsequently spoke to him.

Ultimately, we proved them all wrong. And there is nothing I enjoy more than defeating the luftwaffe yet again. In the words of Heidi Klum, auf wiedersehen bitches!