How I bought my dress and almost became a lesbian...

There were many things I didn't mind getting all cheapy on and I was all about being the kind of bride who didn't get all carried away with her wedding. The Knot told me to make an inspiration board. They even had the balls to tell me 10 months before my wedding that it was never too early to get into wedding shape. They obviously didn't know that inspiration for me always comes smothered in cheese. I was determined not to become that bride...but there was one thing I did want and that was to look fucking amazing.

I had ideas of what kind of dress I wanted, oh I had so many ideas. I was going to find a dress like my Grandma's: lace collar and sleeves over a silk bodice. Grace Kelly was going to get some Strong Island competition from me. The only problem was, I did not want to pay Kleinfeld's prices, nor did I want to rifle through the racks at David's Bridal. My best friend Sarah suggested that I look on Nordstroms.com. She found her dress there and it looked full on couture. However, I did look for months and never found something that I thought could support my massive 34DD monster breasts while also not hiding my smushed coke bottle figure in layers of flowy chiffon.

Eventually The Knot came through with an email notifiying me that Cymbeline was having a sample sale. I didn't see anything in particular that I wanted, but a few styles had potential. I figured that it would be a great opportunity to practice and see what I liked.

Never in my mind did I expect wedding dress shopping to be so freakin' awesome. Ivy, the sales lady called me after I made my appointment to let me know that a new shipment of dresses was coming in the next day and we changed my appointment so I could get first crack. After trying on about 15 dresses (I was the only person in the showroom btdubs), all of which fit me like a GLOVE, I found the one and for less than $2,000. It was nothing like my grandma's and Grace Kelly probably would've passed, but it made my curves put Beyonce's to shame and looked like nothing I had seen in the magazines. I was so happy it was all I could do not to wrap my legs around Renee, the salewoman who pulled the dress, and tickle her larynx with my tongue.

Now this might be out of the budget for many brides, but for me it was the perfect storm of what all brides want from their dress experience: individual attention at a French couture shop, exquisite detailing, a unique style and less than $2,000 with almost no alterations needed. Renee, if things don't work out with Brit boy, I'm giving you a call. Just try to say no to me in that dress!

http://www.cymbeline.com/