The great thing about working in a school is that all other teachers have a secret identity. It is true. Math teachers double bill as stage managers for independent theatre companies and moonlight on reality TV dating shows while social studies teachers spend Saturday afternoons jamming with alt rock tribute bands. The most wondrous alter-ego I have ever encountered involved a septuagenarian English teacher, eyes all soft and wet with senility and who baked cakes shaped like bunny faces. After a year or so of encountering his morning pleasantries I discovered through a friend he had offered a lift home, that this little oversized sweater wearing grandpappy had a secret stash of whips and chains in the trunk of his crown Victoria and a fully equipped basement of leather daddy delights. When not reciting the “Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” by day, this Martha Stewart-cum-masochist was popping rubber balls into the mouths of his objects of desire.
But I digress…
The objective of this post is to tell you of a remarkable discovery I made while at a work retreat last year. A few of us pedagogues were chatting around the morning breakfast table at a Stamford hotel, when a friend mentioned she needed to get married within the next month or her marriage license would expire. Another teacher casually mentioned that she could be her ordinant. “You can marry people?” we gasped in delight. Turns out she was ordained through that internet church and had married two friends of hers before. So we took out our smart phones and began to schedule this wedding in from soups to nuts in the matter of 10 minutes. Not only was my friend Susannah a fantastic ordinant, she was so good I recommended her to my sister, a notorious micro manager who is not easily pleased. After one phone call, my sister and her husband were raving about Susannah and how she listened so well to what they wanted and gently suggested some other pieces to add to the ceremony that were so endearing in others she had participated in.
The day of the wedding, there were so many compliments on the day, but especially for Ms. Susannah Conn. I whole heartedly approve her—so much so that I’m having her do the music at my Catholic ceremony in February. She even has a CD coming out soon! She is pretty, smart, articulate and talented and will not go off on some ridiculous rant as some crazies do and takes the time to truly know the couple. Here are her prices for officiating, you’ll have to email her for her music fees: “standard non-religious ceremony would be $300 a custom built one would be $500. Includes phone consultation, rehearsal, ceremony and copies of paperwork.” Her email is Susconn@gmail.com